I’d like to wish a huge thank you to everyone who attended my mom’s memorial! There’s been a tremendous outpouring of support and positive responses following this event. I think it was the meaningful send-off that we all needed, and I have a feeling she would have liked how it turned out: a lovely celebration of family and community.
As an introvert with social anxiety, it was very difficult for me to plan this event, but in the end, I’m so glad I did, and it came together more perfectly than I could have even hoped for.
Photos from the memorial are courtesy of Dale McBride and Suzie Schuette Swanson, among others.
Special thanks to Dale for being the official photographer and putting that photo degree to good use!
I’ve had many requests for the transcript of the speech I gave, so here it is:
I just wanted to thank you all for coming out to celebrate my mom and the beautiful person she was. I’ve been obsessively checking the weather, and was super bummed that it wasn’t looking like it would be the glorious sunny day I had pictured.
But I was talking with my mom’s siblings, and we all agreed that my mom would say however things happened, it would be God’s will. My mom loved the outdoors, and as someone who used to shovel snow off her roof all alone into her 70s, I don’t think she would mind a little rain.
I wanted this to feel as close as possible to hanging out in her backyard, which is only about 5 miles that way through the Cedar swamp. In planning this, I’ve tried to make this the kind of celebration she would have wanted to attend herself. She was very clear that she didn’t want a traditional funeral, with a viewing and a service, but she said if anyone wanted to organize an informal memorial, that would be okay, so here we are.
Seeing all of you here is a reminder that a lot of people loved and cared about her.
My mom was struggling so much the last few years that I almost forgot she once had a full life, that actually spanned quite a few different phases. I was reminded of this as I went through all the pictures of her life, and now seeing all of you.
I wish I could have known her when she was a carefree tomboy growing up in Sebewaing, catching frogs at the river and trying to ride sheep like they were horses. I wish I could have known her in early adulthood, when she and my dad were a happy young couple, and she was wearing cute little outfits looking so chic, eating pastries and riding her bike around in Germany.
As her life went on, she was a great friend and caring family member to a lot of people. A refrain I kept hearing as people RSVP’ed was that she had helped them out when they were having a tough time. My mom longed for community, and she found it with all of you over the years.
She’s been many things to many people. Some of you knew her as Nancy, and some of you knew her as Miriam, but I’m the only one who knew her as Mom.
We didn’t always see eye to eye, but she taught me so much, and in many ways she helped me become the person I am today. She taught me about empathy and being kind to others. She taught me the value of hard work and perseverance. She gave me an appreciation for nature, and she taught me to value quiet, calm, contemplation. She encouraged my artistic and creative pursuits from a young age.
As I got into my teens and twenties, we had our differences, but those became less and less important as time went on. In the end, while it was incredibly difficult, it was a privilege to help care for her in her final couple of years. It helped us gain a new appreciation for one another, and the last conversations we had were full of love and forgiveness. I take comfort knowing that she is at peace now.
And my trips back to TC every 3 months as her guardian for the last 2.5 years reshaped my relationship with my hometown, made me oddly proud to be from Michigan, and drew me closer to friends and the rest of my family.
If anyone wants to say a few words of remembrance, I’ll open it up and anyone can speak now if they feel moved to do so. Us Bachs are natural introverts, and giving speeches doesn’t come easy for us, so absolutely no pressure! I also have a book here where you can write down a favorite memory, prayer, or thought.
I brought lots of photos, and also some mementos and her recipe box for you to look through. I wanted to make a family recipe, so I made the coleslaw—she didn’t have a recipe written down, but I remember how she made it.*
The brownies are a recipe I found in her recipe box. My dear friend Crystal made them because I ran out of time and was having a meltdown. These are definitely from an era before I was born because they are certainly not healthy and contain a lot of sugar, but I wanted to honor her younger years and her sweet tooth.
So let’s take some time to enjoy each other's company. I think she would have felt uncomfortable having a party in her honor while she was alive, but now I can feel her smiling down on us, knowing we are all gathered here together.
*It’s just regular coleslaw, but with apples added.
Musical interlude
I was blown away when Ashley and Ken performed these songs. Not only had I not asked them to do it, I’d seen Ashley only a handful of times since I was a child! Their family lived with us for a summer when I was around 3 (?) years old, but we lost touch as the years went on. I was so incredibly touched, and this took me back to a very happy part of my childhood. In fact, I’d thought Ken wrote that song about living in Leelanau County, but I guess it had been someone else; no one remembers who, or where to find the original songwriter… or most of the lyrics, LOL. But I’ve remembered that song all these years, and it took me back to a fond place of bonfires on the beach and singalongs in the backyard. Thank you SO much, Ashley and Ken, for doing this, and it was wonderful to reconnect!
Also, “I’ll Fly Away” was the perfect song to send my mom off with. You performed it beautifully, and it’s been popping into my head whenever I think of her now. Much love to you for doing this.
I’ll Fly Away - performed by Ken Chubb and Ashley MacTavish
Over in the Glory Land - performed by Ken Chubb and Ashley MacTavish
I’m Proud to Say I Live In Leelanau County - performed by Ken Chubb and Ashley MacTavish
Her Life in Pictures
